Aging… and Discovering the End Point (of the Book!)
A lot of changes emerge when we become an elder, some of them pleasant and others not so much. I’ll tackle the pleasant first so as not to put you off right away...
When I think about elderhood, I like to consider the notion that I (we elders) become wiser as we age. We have a longer and deeper reservoir of understanding about what it’s like to be a mortal. We can talk about books and music and our understanding of our country’s history, and we can safely make pronouncements about human nature when our children come at us with their suffering and confusion.
We have a more spacious understanding of our lives and what we’ve gained through persevering at life. Finally, we come to understand what is most important in life: love, compassion, insight, kindness, tolerance. This deeper knowledge serves us well and reminds us at this late stage that we have the freedom to make choices often for ourselves alone, while still treating our fellow beings with deep respect.
Making the choice to write a second book at 77 is a move some might think unrealistic, as opposed to an act of bravery and accepting challenge. I’ve had many conversations with myself about just how long this tome on food will take from start to publication, and will I be too old and without proper energy when it’s out in the world? That’s one of those weird, uncomfortable things about being in your late seventies: you think a lot about how much time is left in front of you.
You think about it a lot.
And only when you sit down at your desk and dig into the writing itself do you forget all of that and just live in the land of your words and imaginings. A good place indeed... Until your back starts to ache or your brain becomes drowsy.
In terms of the challenges, we all have bodies that remind us of just where we are on the old age spectrum, dispelling any illusion that we’re still dancing through our forties or fifties. We are forced then to attend to the body’s wisdom when we feel a cautionary pain in our knee or some mysterious rumbling in our tummy; this body shows us that climbing up on a stepladder might not be a good idea, or racing across the street before the light changes could be risky, or shortchanging ourselves on sleep probably won’t help us feel better at all.
Our bodies humble us in a way by saying, “Hey, wait a minute, who do you think you are, a twenty-something? Watch your step. Be mindful. You have a precious body to take care of and you are fragile...” Human bodies tell us the truth while our brains tend to lie shamelessly by whispering that we’re not good enough or that we don’t know what we’re doing.
The Buddhists remind you not to believe everything your brain tells you and I’m a fan of this wisdom. I’ve lived with a nasty inner critic for much of my life, and I really do NOT want to buy what she’s selling much of the time. She may be trying to protect me and keep me from failing, but there is something obsessive and upsetting about her tone and message. I’ve named her Hortense and she has a forbidding wrinkled countenance; personalizing her helps me put her in her place and proceed with my creative work.
We must all find our way back to what our hearts and souls need to do, our work that will perhaps help change the world for the better. Whether it’s writing a book or a song, doing a drawing, making a beautiful garden, or raising happy children – we all have gifts that we must offer. Our challenges will be different, for sure, because we all have different and complicated lives, tested by family life, demanding jobs, a physical impediment, or an annoying prescriptive brain that nudges us relentlessly.
Anne Lamott wrote a terrific book in which she describes helping her son with his science project by reminding him of the “bird by bird” approach, the one-step-at-a-time method.
This book offers the same counsel to writers, and I would add that it applies to all creative beings. Forget the epic picture and move in “bird by bird” fashion until you find yourself at the stopping point – your ending. I’m happy to say I have just about reached that point with book #2; many pages have been written and I’m now going to start a read-through of the project to fully comprehend what I’ve been saying on paper for all these past months.
As I pat myself on the back for this I don’t see my guardian/critic Hortense anywhere!
Bows of gratitude to you for reading my words,
Mag
•••
Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash